Words/Fanfiction/No One Knows
Title: No One Knows
Rating: PG
Game: FF8
Pairing: Zell x Squall
Description: A year after Negative Color. Maybe things are okay?
It had been nearly a year since Zell and Squall's night out in Balamb. The blonde boy lay on his dormitory bed, headphones blasting music into his eardrums. He bobbed his head to the beat and played the invisible drums, eyes shut in his loss of being.
There had been a small crisis over at Fisherman's Horizon, and he went to solve the problem as quietly as he could. FH had changed its ways after the Galbadians attacked them so long ago. They were still run over by pacifists though; only they reverted to a few shoves here and there when they had to. Zell liked the city because of that. He came back to Garden for a rest until his next mission.
The fight with Ultimacia was a long one, and Zell fought his best with Squall at his side. He didn't join in a lot of the lower fights, for reasons Zell couldn't come up with. When they got back from the time-compressed world (which isn't the best vacation spot), they were congratulated thoroughly. Little Rinoa became an automatic SeeD afterwards.
Zell was happy for her, he guessed. Rinoa had her own dorm across the hall from his, but she never seemed to be in it. He grunted at the thought. He'd always hear the soft muffles of laughs through his door and the soft tapping of footsteps heading off into the direction Squall's dorm.
The boy couldn't stand Rinoa, and he couldn't bear to look at Squall. Other than that, life was pretty good.
...Zell erupted with a chorus of soft laughter. The music from his headphones drowning it out from his hearing, but his voice still echoed in the relatively empty dorm. Zell was the only one that volunteered for the weak and low missions they were given nowadays. Anything, he thought, to keep his mind off whatever plagued his thoughts. He was the only one without anything more important to do.
Irvine and Selphie were going steady. In fact they had their first year anniversary the week before. Quistis ended up hooking up with Nida, which surprised everybody at first, but it really seemed right after awhile. Even the silly girl with the pigtail gave up on Zell. After he had entered the library one day the girl came up to him and said "Sorry, I don't think it can work out." Zell had given her a strange look, "I want a guy who can stay in one place." The blonde shrugged at the thought and continued on his way. Good luck finding somebody like that around here, he had thought afterwards.
Rinoa and Squall... Well... Zell's head still spun to this day with every thought about his shy lion. And his veins pulsed with jealousy with every thought of the raven-haired girl.
It was funny though, in a sense. Not in that everybody had a significant other (though he did try to laugh at it at times)... But that Seifer had been readmitted to Balamb Garden. He had to be supervised the first few months, but after that he became a SeeD like everybody else. Zell and him had become good friends during the lonely times of the year. The tattooed boy still felt a bit uncomfortable around his archrival, but it was better than talking to a wall, he suspected. Seifer was the only person he was willing to drop hints about what him and Squall had done that night...
The scarred man never caught on. Zell was relieved for that though.
The martial artist lost himself in his music again. Singing way off tune while the music still went on. It took nearly three minutes for him to notice somebody was knocking the door. He removed his headphones and yelled out to the being on the other side. "I'm tired! Go away!" Zell shouted, beginning to put his headphones back on.
"You didn't sound it, chicken-wuss." Seifer's husky, yet gentleman like voice passed through the wooden door. "Come on, it's lunchtime. Today it's on me." The man leaned on the wall next to Zell's door, waiting for his new friend to emerge at any minute.
Wiping his shorts, Zell opened the door and found Seifer glued to the wall. "Well if it's on you," he answered with a weak smile. The gunblader's eyes brightened, his blue a darker shade than his counterpart. He began to walk to the cafeteria with a morbid Zell at his side.
Lunchtime was always the worst time of the day to go to the cafe. You always went an hour before the afternoon, to avoid the long line... And to actually get a hot dog. Zell for once wasn't impatient waiting in line, which seemed to extend to more than twenty people. He was thinking too much. Hyne how he hated thinking. His eyes rolled with self-annoyance and he crossed his arms.
Seifer bumped his shoulder into Zell's, giving him a signal to go forward before the people behind them started yelling. "What's wrong with you today..." Seifer trailed. He wasn't really expecting an answer of any sort. Zell had kind of changed like that in the past few months.
"Thinking," the blonde shrugged his shoulders and moved up in line.
"About what?" Seifer's words becoming more nagging than helpful.
"Stuff."
"What kinda stuff?"
"Why the hell does it matter?" Zell blurted out coldly. He made his way up to the counter and looked at the plump lady before him. "Have any hot dogs today?" There wasn't even hope carried upon the question.
"No, I'm sorry Zell, honey." The lady apologized. She had learned his name even before he and the group had become legends. "I always try to save you one, you know that. But they always seem to figure out that I have an extra one in the back!" Her story was always the same, but that's why Zell liked her so much.
"It's alright, Patty, I'll just have my usual than." Zell seemed too monotone. It surprised both Patty and Seifer.
The trench-coated man walked up next to Zell and placed a delicate hand on the martial artists lower back. Zell cringed with a numbing pain running up his spine. He quickly escaped the man's touch and waited a little further away.
Seifer frowned slightly and placed his order with a few quick words. Paying from the gil in his pocket, both of the boys took their food and proceeded to find a table to sit at. Placing their trays down they took their seats with a soft screech from the legs of the chairs. They began to eat in silence. Seifer kept his eyes on Zell the whole time. Zell's eyes were down cast as he softly chewed on his food.
Seifer threw down his hamburger onto the Styrofoam plate. He slammed his fists down onto the table, raising a startled gaze from Zell. "This is bull shit. Tell me what's going on. Now."
"Nothing," Zell lied. "I just had a hard day that's all." Yeah, and kicking a tin can will break your toes...
"Oh stop acting like I'm stupid, chicken-wuss," Seifer pointed a gloved hand at his friends face. Leaning in he confessed, "I know about you and Squall. He's the reason why you're like this, isn't it?" Zell's eyes widened. The hints he had dropped before were so subtle. Somebody must have told him.
"What the hell are you talking about!" Zell protested, throwing down his hamburger as well, a sudden succession of emotion filling his voice. "Me and him are just friends!" The way he was protecting himself wasn't very believable.
"Oh calm down, Dincht," the scarred boy said, waving his hand. "Squall himself told me. Hyne knows why, but he did."
Zell looked at him with disbelief. "W-when?" He was feeling ashamed for some reason, and rightfully backstabbed. Zell, of all people, was able to keep the 'secret' Squall wanted so desperately to hide.
Seifer placed a hand on his chin, his memories of it a little fuzzy. "Eh, I don't know, maybe a week or two ago." He shrugged. "He said he only wanted to tell me, like there was something I could do about this weird ass situation. Sounds like some kind of pity lie if you ask me."
The tattooed boy frowned. "Yeah I guess... I mean, why would anybody think about us... Together!" He laughed uproariously, though inside nerves and that never-ending pain were eating him.
"Hah, I knew it," Seifer's face decorated with victorious features. "Like you can even hide the slightest lie." He leaned forward more and placed a hand next to his mouth. "So how far did you guy's go?" He whispered with a sly, mocking smile. Zell's eyebrows narrowed.
"Fuck you, Seifer," Zell growled. His temper was being pushed, something he didn't need right now.
"I'm sure you'd like to, too," Seifer laughed, retreating his body to lean lazily against his chair. "I bet you guys made it all the way, too! Oh man! I never thought Squall went for that type of thing!" His voice was louder and people started turning their heads. Zell's face was flushed with anger and embarrassment.
"You fucking asshole!" Zell sprang up out of his chair and landed a perfect blow into Seifer's left eye. "You're still the same jackass from before!" His rage was building, as he placed an angry hand on his food tray and threw it onto the ground. "Maybe if ya had a soul of your own you would understand! YOU HEARTLESS FUCK!" He walked off almost casually, as the cafeteria attendants kept asking him to go back and pick it up.
Seifer stood up to yell something back, but he realized that what he did really was wrong. He sat back down and ignored the attendants just like Zell. Fuck it up again. Good job. For once I gain his trust and I lose it. How cool. The blonde stood up from his chair swiftly and left the cafe, all eyes staring a hole into his slouching back.
The lone gunblader walked through the hallways of Garden, his hands tucked nicely in his pants pockets. He lifted his head to see which way he was going to go. He figured he'd try to find Squall at his dorm. Not like he'd be there or anything... Or not like Seifer really wanted to know what was going to be there if Squall was.\
Seifer made his way to Squall's dorm, tapping a knuckle on the man's door. He could hear some giggles coming from inside, and Squall's hurried, yet muffled, voice. Squall opened the door, only revealing his stormy eyes to his disruptive guest.
"Oh hey," Squall said, not in the least bit excited of his guest. He observed Seifer and noticed a darkening bruise around his left eye. He didn't bother to ask. He didn't really care.
"If there it isn't too much time out of your precious little life, I'd like to have a word with you." Sefier glared into Squall's eyes, trying to look as serious as he ever could. The brunette nodded slowly, then nodded faster when Seifer narrowed his eyebrows. The boy opened the door more, only clothed in his leather pants. A drastic hand grabbed Squall's wrist and pulled him out into the hallway.
Seifer spun the man around and slammed him into the wall, pinning Squall's wrists to the wall so he couldn't escape. "I made a mistake, Leonheart. I'd much rather blame it on you, but I can't." He shook his arms in a fit of anger. "I hurt Zell because I told him that you told me about you two." He shook his head, golden bangs flying around in his distressed face. He kept the name-calling bit to himself. He was ashamed that he even stooped that low of a level. "I want to know why you told me. DAMMIT! Tell me!"
Squall closed his eyes tight, his face twisting to an unpleasant one. "I thought that if I told somebody..." He trailed, his head falling in defeat.
"Squall?" A quiet voice came from the doorframe. Rinoa looked at the two with a tinge of horror in her brain. "What's going on? What is he talking about?"
Seifer's cold glare stood itself onto Rinoa. "This is between me and Squall! Get back in that room, and shut the door!" He shouted, his grips on Squall's wrists becoming more intense. The raven-haired girl nodded with shock still in her eyes, and retreated into the room and shut the door with a soft click.
The trench coat clad gunblader reverted his attention back to Squall. "So what were you thinking?" His voice was becoming more demanding. He hated seeing Zell hurt.
"I thought if I told somebody the pain would go away!" Squall hissed through his teeth. The idea of it all obviously hurting him even more than it was supposed to. "Isn't that what everybody has been telling me! Isn't that what they wanted me to be!" He let out a disgruntled groan. "I still feel it inside! It won't leave!" Squall's eyes landed on Seifer's, the sadness that swam in them depressed both of their senses.
Seifer let his grip loosen, letting the boy slip down the wall to land on his feet. He hadn't even noticed he had picked the light man up in the process of the interrogation. The blonde brushed off his coat and turned around with ease. Crossing his arms he spoke, "Well, any fool can see that it's tearing you both inside. Your stupid act can only last so long, Squall. I'm tired of seeing poor Zell being wrenched with thinking. Hyne knows that's something he can't take well." Seifer chuckled a little. "If you don't talk to him, I swear to god, I will give you another scar to match."
Seifer began to leave for his own dorm, adding one last statement, "You're giving up a good thing, Squall. I know I am." His heart felt light. They needed each other more than he needed Zell.
Squall turned back into his dorm room. Rinoa sat on the bed, a worried smile on her face. "What was that all about?"
"I need to go talk to Quistis about something," Squall lied, putting on his shirt top and jacket. "I'll be back in a bit." Rinoa got up and wrapped her tiny arms around him. He frowned, but gave her a light kiss on the forehead.
"I'll miss you."
"I 'm only going to Quistis'..." Squall trailed, a bit annoyed with her clinginess.
Squall felt refreshed once he left his dorm and made his way to confront Zell. Things were going to be put how they should have been.
Zell was laying on his bed again, drained in just about every way possible. He read one of his fighting magazines while a soft mumble of the radio ate up his hearing. There was anger still raging in his blood, but he tried to ignore it, taking down as many mental notes as he could from the magazine. He jumped with a startle from the sudden knock on the door. "Go away, you god damn jackass!" He yelled, suspecting it to be Seifer. Nobody else came by his dorm.
"Let me in Zell," Squall's voice leaving a delightful chill all through Zell's body. The blonde jumped off his bed with excitement, but opened the door like he had no emotions at all. "Well?" Squall asked. Zell noticed that he was blocking his way, the look of disbelief on his face. Zell quickly opened the door wide and let the man in.
"It's been forever Squall! I... I haven't even talked to you in..."
"Two months and a day," Squall said softly, closing the door behind him. They barely even held eye contact when walking through the hallways. He crossed his arms and leaned up against the door. "I heard you took the FH mission. How did it go?" Squall asked. He knew he had nothing to be concerned about, he never did.
"It went just fine. Not like anythin' big happens at Fisherman's anyways. There was just a threat of Esthar invadin' or messin' around with them or somethin'. I don't know what's going on with these missions anymore." Zell laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. "I just take them to keep myself busy, I guess."
You can never be caged up, Zell... Squall thought, nodding when doing so. "But what the hell are ya doin' here Squall? You never come ask me about my lame missions." Zell raised his eyebrow, a wonderful smile on his face. He was flattered that the man even came by. He didn't care why, who, what, when, and hell, even how. "It's bad enough we can't even look at each other..." Zell trailed in a whisper.
Squall pushed himself from the door and stood up straight. "Let's just say a messenger told me to see you." He walked over to Zell and placed his arms around him; the very warmth of Squall's body sending a pleasured moan from Zell's lips. "I've changed so much Zell... All because of one person... One person that can't bring me the fraction of the joy you bring me..." The brunette trailed, placing a row of kisses in Zell's clean hair.
"W-What are ya sayin'?" Zell was a bit frightened. He didn't want to ruin anything.
"I've turned into you, and you've turned into me. I was happier, if anything, with how things were before." Squall rubbed his hand on Zell's back in a soft circular motion. "But I've hurt so much more than I ever have, because I've changed..."
"Squall..." Zell trailed. He felt so happy, so great. So high, that he thought he could fly off into the sky. "I'll like you no matter what. I'm willing to stand and wait." He was fooling himself with the last part.
"You don't need to wait. Rinoa isn't right for me."
Zell looked at him with a stunned expression. "What! But you guys are so right for each other! She's done so much for you and you've done so much for her!" He released himself from Squall's embrace. It was an act, if anything, but he knew taking Squall away would be wrong. So terribly wrong.
"Zell! Stop bull shitting yourself!" Squall yelled. He sure had gained a large arsenal of emotions over the year. They really had switched personalities. "You knew from the beginning!" Zell looked at him with blank eyes. "God! I can't even touch her without thinking about you! How much I miss you!" He bounced his arms for emphasis. "How much I need you to feel right!"
The blonde blinked in confusion. "Have you guys...?" The question was kind of off topic, but that's what had been on his mind for so long. That thought that wrenched his brain every time he heard the giggling couple leave Rinoa's dorm.
Squall shook his head, becoming frustrated with Zell's resistance to take him back. He looked down, "The most we've ever done is kiss. I just can't go any further than that. It'd feel like I was cheating." He paused, "I don't need some batches of silly words to feel bonded to you, Zell."
Zell smiled peacefully, latching himself onto Squall again. "So what is this, official or somethin'?" Squall laughed and nodded in response. "Tell Rinoa that I'm sorry."
"Alright..." Squall promised, showering his love with beautiful kisses.
"I do feel bad though," Zell admitted. He never expected something like this to happen, and the guilty love he had for Squall made him feel uneasy.
"Whatever."
"...Whatever..."
Maybe he didn't have anything to worry about...
**End**
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